AT LEAST death came quick for the Aussie Ashes campaign. Stuart Broad’s eighth wicket — Australia’s 10th — came as a mercy.
The post mortem into the calamitous failure has already begun with fans demanding the Aussie batsmen, coaches and officials be held accountable for the black eye their pathetic performance has given Australian cricket.
Yes, all out for 60 in 111 balls really is that bad. But it wasn’t just Australian fans taking jabs. Here’s how the world reacted.
CLARKE: ONE OF THE WORST DAYS IN MY CAREER
AUSTRALIAN skipper Michael Clarke was reluctant to be too dramatic after just one day of a Test match but he couldn’t hide from how poor his team had performed.
“I’ll let you write your article. I’m not going to give you any words (like embarrassing) to use,” he said. “It’s up there (with the worst days of my career). That and being bowled out for 47 against South Africa is not a nice one to remember. That’s as tough as they come to today.
“There’s no doubt we didn’t bat well, but … they were very good conditions to bowl in. That’s as tough a day as you have as a player, certainly as a captain. Nothing went right at all today, that’s for sure.
“And the situation with the series, knowing like I said before the Test, that it’s our grand final … but also as a captain you need to be as positive as you can.”
WARNE: WHY DIDN’T SIDDLE PLAY?
TEST legend Shane Warne took aim at the Australian selectors — particularly the omission of Peter Siddle.
“If Peter Siddle wasn’t going to play in these conditions, I don’t know why he’s on the tour for,” snapped Warne in Sky Sports commentary.
“He was going to be the guy to bowl overs. Hazlewood is nowhere near consistent enough to bowl 20-25 overs a day and dry up an end. He just hasn’t been getting it right and it’s putting so much pressure on Mitchell Johnson.
“They needed that fifth bowler. If they were going to leave out Voges or Mitchell Marsh out it had to be Voges. At least they’d have that option of someone else to bowl. There’s not so much between them as batsmen but at least you get the bowling.”
BROAD: BEST FIGURES OF MY LIFE
STUART Broad revealed his figures of 8/15 were the best of his career — at any level.
“My previous best bowling was 7-12 in school under 15s. It’s nice to get (career best figures) against Australia,” he said.
“It’s not really sunk in. I keep seeing the scoreboard pop up on the TV or look at the scoreboard on the ground and it doesn’t look real to me at the moment.
“It’s a bit of a freak day I suppose. That’s what you work hard for, it’s what you train for. You want those moments where it all works for you.
“Today was one of those days. It’s great to have a PB against Australia because to me they’re one of the best teams in the world.”
VAUGHAN: YOU COULD SMELL THE FEAR
FORMER England captain Michael Vaughan believed he saw a change in Australia’s body language after they lost the toss and were asked to bat.
“The fight has gone. I saw defeatism from a few Australians after they lost the toss. It was ‘poor old us’ time. They decided to fight by playing big shots rather than working through the tough period,” he wrote in The Telegraph.
“The heart and soul of a batting unit is judged by the hours when it is tough and hard. You have to earn the right to face the old ball and cash in when the bowlers are tired or had the wind knocked out of them. But from what I saw Australia did not have the will to get through that sticky period in the first hour.
“You could smell the fear. Once Australia lost two wickets in the first over you could sense it was going to be an awful morning for them. It is not just the scorebook that tells you a team is struggling. Batsmen looked like they were playing for themselves and bowlers were not bowling in partnerships in the way that Steven Finn and Mark Wood did for Stuart Broad. Only those Australian batsmen know what was going through their minds.”
SOCIAL MEDIA
A HOST of former players and other sporting identities took pot shots on Twitter, including former AFL champion Glenn Archer who appeared to have a serious crack at Michael Clarke.
THERE were some amazing stats that highlighted the historic nature of Australia’s collapse, including:
– AUSTRALIA’S score was its lowest in an Ashes Test since 1936.
– THE innings lasted just 111 legal deliveries, the quickest demise in Test history.
– OF those deliveries only eight were on the stumps, meaning Australia’s innings would have lasted longer if they just left every ball.
– IT was only the third time in history a team has been dismissed before lunch on the opening day of a Test match.
– IT was the first time ‘Extras’ was top scorer in an Ashes innings. There were 14 extras. Mitchell Johnson (13) was the highest scoring batsman.
– STUART Broad took the equal fastest five-wicket haul of all-time.
– ENGLAND took an extraordinary 214-run lead heading into day two — the third biggest advantage ever taken on the opening day of a Test
– JOE Root’s ton was the first time in Ashes history a second innings batsman has posted three figures on day one.
THE PRESS
ENGLISH columnists were licking their lips after the day’s play finished. David Lloyd, writing in the Daily Mail, said he had never seen an Australian team so rattled.
“They were all over the place. Mesmerised. Spooked. They just couldn’t cope,” he wrote. “They will debate where they went wrong but in English conditions you’ve got to be like a musician — and play tight. They were sloppy and out of tune and Michael Clarke is a shadow of his old self. The shot he got out to was ugly.”
Ian Botham described the performance as the best he’d seen in an Ashes series in The Mirror.
“When it comes to the first day of an Ashes Test match, that was as good as it gets,” Botham wrote.
“I’ve seen and been a part of a few special ones, and also on the other side of some not so good ones, but the way Stuart Broad led the attack and then Joe Root capitalised on it was just exceptional.”
HEALY: IT’S THE WAGS’ FAULT
The wives and girlfriends of the Australian team. Source: Supplied
PERHAPS the most intriguing theory behind Australia’s Ashes surrender came from former Test wicketkeeper Ian Healy, who questioned the cohesion of the Aussie dressing room and the presence of wives and girlfriends on tour.
“Their hearts might not be that strong,” Healy told Channel 9. “Look at the performance in Edgbaston and Cardiff before that. That was a poor performance and so is this.
“Are they together as a team? Do they fragment from here? Do they meet and talk about it tonight? Will they confront it?
“All their partners are here and some of the most respected cricketers I played with hated that distraction. They weren’t allowed on tour until after the series had been won. Your mind needs to be completely focused on it. Cricket is a sport that requires complete concentration. You need everything going for you and I’m not sure they’re pushing for that hard enough.”
