Now that I’ve got your attention -No. No matter what ‘The Sun’ has to say about it, he will not be taking such a woeful task.

In fact, recently when asked about it at a press conference, he literally got up and walked out of the room –not even a decisive pass for the question (Yes, pun intended).

Talking about Bayern, let’s talk about the red-hot form (Yes, pun intended, again) of Robert Lewangoalski. In an era filled with such magnificent strikers, such as Ibrahimovic, Aguero, Suarez, Pre-Man United Falcao and quite possibly Van Persie, a name that is absurdly understated amongst the world’s best is that of Lewangoalski.

When the world gave him lemons, he classily placed all 5 of them, beautifully within the net in just 9 minutes. However, what most missed out here is whose goal he placed it in. The current Wolfsburg team is no mere mid/lower-table German team, worthy of being unheard. They were the guns that gave Bayern quite the run for the money last season. Not to mention, the team that dismantled Bayern 4-1 and then again managed to draw them 1-1 by FT in the German Super Cup. The 5 goals however, each put together demonstrated how much of a complete striker he is. Is it because he is a team player, wilfully letting Muller take the penalty spot for the team, or because he leads a rather humble and quiet life off the pitch, or is it because he’s not controversial enough? If it really is the latter, I hear Diego Costa is offering a 3-week crash course on the subject.

Talking about antics and controversy, the Premier League seems to have blown wide open as of recent. Manchester United are at the top of the table for the first time since the departure of Lord Fergie, the noisy neighbours neighbouring closely, Arsenal riding on their favourite position, on top of the Spurs, Liverpool climbing up the mid-table and well, uh, Chelsea.. fighting for a relegation spot? To be fair, we’re talking about a team managed by the “special”, Jose Mourinho. What could go wrong? Let’s see what magic trick he pulls off. It might even come in the form of another shiny European trophy. After all, this is Mourinho we’re talking about. Anyways, jokes aside, I know how every season we say how tight the title race is, but by dear Messi, how close it is this time. It’s like a mini-Christmas every weekend for Premier League fans. The Spurs sticking it to City, 4-1, Gunners recording a 5-2 win, with that cool Chilean guy scoring a hat-trick, Liverpool winning with a scare, Manchester United quite fairly beating a woeful Sunderland 3-0, and a saddening Chelsea salvaging just a point against Newcastle.

This weekend also showed me, how our modern Gods of football, Cristiano and Messi, aren’t really as godly as we thought they were – Maybe just Demi-gods on a good day? Just maybe. Cristiano came off the Madrid-Malaga 0-0 draw with the Flop of the Match award (Why isn’t this a real award!?). 14 shots, 0 goals. Over in Catalonia, Messi came off early with a torn ligament, whilst Barca, came off with a shot to the Achilles heel. However, the mortals on the team took the reins to their own hands, and rode out the victory. Ten points to the muggles! Also, anybody noticed a weirdly shaped bald thing in the Barca team? With Messi gone for 2 months, he’s decided it’s his time to shine, literally. Good on you, Neymar!

Onto the upcoming matches; ‘Der Klassiker’, the Bayern-Dortmund match takes place in the weekend, with both teams coming in with intensely brilliant form. Expect one of the tightest matches for this half of the year, and hopefully goals, lots and lots of goals. Then comes the Arsenal-Man United match –another beauty waiting to happen especially with the recent form from both sides. I’m slightly leaning towards United on this one, but as a long-time neutral fan, I’m expecting a nerve-wreckingly awesome match. Then there’s the Real-Atletico Madrid Derby. Expect a possible upset by Atletico, sorry Madrid fans! And lastly, for possibly any Italian fans out there, there’s the Milan-Napoli match, but with Milan’s depressing recent form, Napoli has quite the advantage, especially coming in with a win against Juventus. And well, if you really aren’t a fan of any of the teams, be sure to catch some juicy mid-week European action with Champions league group encounters!

Well, enjoy your football, and may Lord Bendtner give you uninterrupted and joyful match-days!

Make sure to stay tuned for next week’s column! And I’m always looking for a good football conversation, so please go ahead and leave me a comment or two (nasty ones are welcome too!).